I have come to the realization that my most endearing dating quality is the ownership of an original Nintendo Entertainment System, which I have kept in working order. My second most endearing quality to the opposite sex is that I still remember the Konami cheat code for the game Contra. Really, I don’t understand why this quality is so awesome, because there is this thing called the internet, and this company called “Google” that finds the answers to really asinine questions. For example, I just checked the spelling of ‘asinine’ on Google. See how this works?

I’ve noticed that I can go through the motions of making a fantastic meal, clearing my home of dog fur (this is by all admissions an attempt and never successful), and even try to make myself purdy, but once there is an 8-Bit graphic on the screen and a controller in hand I might as well be feeding him Pupperoni dog treats, while of course telling him they are Slim Jims.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about this in the least, it ensures that I don’t actually have to go to a lot of trouble to be an awesome date.