I am on the train with an interesting person again; this time it is a guy that I suspect is socially retarded.  He shoved me out of the way to enter the train first so that he could sit down and call someone to tell them he had made it onto the train. I can only assume that he was worried that I was going to muscle him out of the way and personally close the doors before he had a chance to enter the almost empty train, paranoia is an acceptable excuse for idiocy and rudeness I guess. He ends his phone conversation by saying “Okay honey, I love you” and I instantly become depressed and consider myself a failure because this jack-wagon has someone to love.

I can only assume that he is a popular guy since his phone continually rings during the commute and from his sonorous conversations I am forced to change my opinion of him. I no longer think he is socially retarded, I think he is just plain retarded now. This has changed my whole outlook on the day and now I am happy and think it’s sweet that someone loves him.  I should probably have had this outlook while waiting on the train platform as I watched him try to hock a loogie, have it just land on his shoe, and then watch as he unsuccessfully tried to wipe it off by dragging his foot across the planks of wood like a leper.